Pretending

 

California Dreamin’

Stopped into a church
I passed along the way
Well, I got down on my knees
And I pretend to pray
You know the preacher like the cold
He knows I'm gonna stay
California dreamin'
On such a winter's day 

When is pretending passing? 

There is a nasty phrase “passing for white”’.  It refers to someone who is not white, but is intentionally passing for white because those people have privileges.  It generally is done by someone whose features are mostly viewed as “white”.  Passing is done intentionally, and there are consequences upon being discovered.  But at least passing was done intentionally.  Accepting privileges because people have made a mistake as to your identity is something of which I am guilty.  Unintentionally obtaining privileges is probably even worse than intentionally obtaining those same privileges. 

My last name is Beagan, produced BEE- Gan.  During the time in which I was a member of a Massachusetts Republican administration, I let it be pronounced  as RAY-Gan, after the Republican President, even though I secretly despise Ronald Reagan.  During that same time I accepted my colleagues mocking undocumented immigrants, although my maternal grandparents were immigrants from Poland and my paternal great-grandparents were immigrants from Ireland.  My paternal grandfather was even an undocumented illegal alien from Canada pretending to have been born in the United States.  And while my Irish ancestors might have spoken English, my maternal grandparents never learned to speak English.  But my last name is taken to be as American as apple pie. 

I am a straight, cis, male. But my brother, the best man at my wedding and the godfather of my eldest son, is gay. Some of my favorite co-workers are transgender.  The persons I most admire are female.  I am accepted by Christian Nationalists because I am Catholic, but I happily celebrate Rosh Hashanah, and Ramadan.  I was a manager and have been sued by union workers, but my father was a member of the Steel Workers Union and my sympathies are mostly with laborers.  I have lacked the courage to correct those who grant me privileges that I know that they do not extend to others.  By accepting those privileges I am accepting that they can be denied to others.  I have found that pretending by omission is worse than intentionally passing, it certainly is more cowardly.